I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
