I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
