i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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