how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
