I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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