Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
