On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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