just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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