yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
