I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
