Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
