Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
