Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Randomize
