Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
