I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
