Your mouth is God's brothel.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
