I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
