i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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