Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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