Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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