O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
