I'm passing your future prison.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
