A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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