I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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