All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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