The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
