its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
