And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
