I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
