Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
