Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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