so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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