I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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