??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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