when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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