I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
