after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
