@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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