she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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