I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
