I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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