dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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