I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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