After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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