It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
