buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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