Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
