Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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