so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can't turn off my feet"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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