have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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